Can I resolve conflict like a kindergartner?

How would you rate your conflict resolution skills?

1: I am self-aware, empathetic, and effective at communicating. I can navigate conflict and keep my relationships healthy.

5: I avoid it. If I can’t avoid it, I stew quietly in resentment or leave the relationship.

Somewhere in between?

I’m learning that a key skill in navigating relationships is conflict. And I hate it. And I have a lot of room to grow my skills at it. So I’m trying to hold onto myself. Be real about the fact that I’m not great with conflict. And be kind to myself that it’s okay to not be good at something. And I can grow.

So today, I want to travel back to kindergarten. I’m going to feature a lesson on conflict resolution from our kindergarten curriculum. And I am humbled to admit that I am learning to navigate conflict on an elementary level. Truly. That stings, but I can take it because I want to grow.

Here is the student workbook page for our kindergartners learning conflict resolution:

Where does this land for you?

What is the last conflict you had in an important relationship? Did you navigate it with this level of self-reflection and self-regulation? With kindness towards yourself and the other person?

I wish I could say I navigated conflict like this. I’m learning. I’m getting closer. I’m growing my awareness of how hard this actually is and how unnatural it feels for me.

The teacher guide provides an example of how to use the conflict resolution thinking sheet to model it for students:

I love this example. I think it can be easy as an adult to minimize kids’ problems: “It’s just a marker. Suck it up.”

But the more I grow my self-awareness, the more I become aware of my own hurt. And when I can let myself feel my own hurt, I have so much more compassion for myself and others. When I shut down my own hurt: “It’s not that big of a deal. Stop being dramatic. Suck it up.” It makes me harder and meaner. I can’t rush to a resolution without feeling my own feelings first. I can’t skip over my own hurt to force a fake peace in the relationship.

I also love how this lesson takes time to honor a kid’s hurt. It’s okay to be upset when someone takes something from you. Your feelings are okay. You are okay. And how do I feel my feelings without lashing out at the person who hurt me? That’s the tricky part for me. How do I stay kind even when I’m feeling hurt?

I wish I would have had this framework as a teacher. I had no idea how to help my students work towards solutions together in a way that honored their feelings. I just avoided it and had a lot of anxiety about trying to control things I had no control over: like my students’ emotions.

I needed this lesson as a kindergartener.

I needed this lesson as a teacher.

I still need this lesson today for myself and my children.

Where does this land for you?

When you were a kid, who taught you how to resolve conflict? If you’re learning this for the first time as an adult, you are not alone. I’m here too.
Do you feel confident navigating conflict now?
Do you feel confident facilitating conflict resolution for kids in your care?