The Golden Calf in Education: Children First
Happy Day, EQuipped Friend.
I appreciate the feedback from my very first blog last week:
“That was great, Adam!”
“Adam! So good to hear from you!”
“Kumbaya is not used correctly in your communication.”
Thank you for the engagement.
As we approach spring break, I’ll be focusing on stress management strategies that will be the backbone of the working manuscript of Regulated. The idea will be to offer specific strategies to help you navigate the stress that we experience as we return from spring break. Here’s the overview:
March 3: The Case Against Stress (It Basically Kills Us)
March 10: The Case for Stress (It Drives Peak Performance)
March 17: Flexibility, Tolerance and Optimism—Three Keys to Resilience
March 24: Life Giver or Life Sucker? Tonic and Toxic Stress Management Responses
March 31: Life Giving Strategy #1: Connecting
April 7: Life Giving Strategy #2: Anticipating
April 14: Life Giving Strategy #3: Releasing Energy
April 21: Life Giving Strategy #4: Setting Boundaries
April 28: Life Giving Strategy #5: Reflecting
May 5: Life Giving Strategy #6: Keeping Perspective
To set the stage for that work, let’s explore what I think is a very touchy subject in education—a subject I consider to be a (if not the) golden calf in education. It’s this: children come first. After 20 years of practice in multiple settings as a child-focused psychologist, I simply don’t agree with the idea of putting children first. If we want to truly help students, we should destroy that golden calf and not put kids first. We should put adults first.
There. I said it. (Voldemort, Voldemort, Voldemort.).
I’m anticipating your potential resistance. Wait, Adam. Don’t put kids first? You really don’t mean that, do you? Oh, wait again—I get it. You’re a licensed psychologist. This is one of those reverse-psychology Jedi mind tricks y’all do. When you say “don’t put kids first”, it’s really just click bait. You really mean “put kids first”, but you’re just looking for a clever way to restate an age-old tenet in education. Right?
Nope. Let me be super clear. What I actually mean by “don’t put kids first” is this: Don’t. Put. Kids. First. It’s not a typo. It’s not click bait.
How can I possibly believe that? Well, because of years of research, mostly. And after that, because of over 20 years of clinical practice working with families.
I’ll explain.
A significant body of research focuses on the idea of co-regulation. Here’s how the Rand study defines it: “The supportive process between caring adults and children, youth, or young adults that fosters self-regulation development is called ‘co-regulation.’”. The idea is that children develop the capacity to appropriately self-regulate—a hallmark goal of emotional maturity—by learning to do so from adults. In other words, self-regulation is a learned skill, just like math and reading, and kids learn those skills from adults who a) have them, and b) are in a place to teach them.
It’s straightforward.
But here’s where that straightforward process goes sideways, and here is where we get to the core of the golden calf. We in education often use the analogy of the oxygen mask. You know the drill: in the event of an emergency, put your mask on first, then help the person next to you. I use this analogy when conducting campus and district-level professional development, and I’m usually met with enthusiastic nods of agreement.
Then, I presented in a high school cafeteria to a group of secondary teachers. Some of them unapologetically didn’t look up from their laptops. Others looked up but sat with their arms crossed the entire time. Tough crowd. Toward the end of the session, a teacher raised his hand, obviously frustrated.
“Dr. Saenz, I have two questions,” he said. “First, you’re telling me to put my oxygen mask on first, and I hear the same thing from my administrators. But then, I also hear that we need to put kids first. So, my first question is this: do I get to put my mask on first, or does the student’s mask have to come first? Then, my second question is this: even if I decide to totally go against the flow and commit the crime of putting my mask on first, where the hell is this magical mask? Is it in the teacher’s lounge by the coffee pot? I’ve looked everywhere, and I still can’t find it.”
The room erupted in laughter and applause.
And there it was. This brilliant secondary educator concisely identified how the golden calf in education was not serving us. Our teaching force is understandably depleted—and subsequently dysregulated—by what’s been placed on them over the course of the past four years. How can adults possibly be expected to co-regulate dysregulated students when we’re not giving those adults permission to put themselves and their mask (so they can self-regulate) and then giving them a template to understand that the oxygen mask of sustainability is found in the emotional intelligence skillsets of stress management and holistic self-care?
I am unapologetically not a fan of the put-kids-first mentality. The most effective intervention for every student is not the latest and greatest technology, new uniforms for the football team, or new buildings. There’s nothing wrong with any of those things, but how helpful can they possibly be without physically and psychologically healthy adult to teach the student how to use the technology or to coach the students in the new uniforms or to lead students in adaptive social interaction in the new buildings?
The most effective Tier 1 intervention for every student is a physically and psychologically healthy adult.
So, to set the stage for the stress-management interventions to follow in the coming weeks, I believe we are wise to begin by melting the golden calf in education that puts children first. It’s a controversial position, I know, and it goes against the grain of everything we’ve been told for many decades in education. If you have not done so already, please consider giving yourself permission to put yourself first, and not just over spring break. The most loving thing we can do for the students—the undeterminably valuable and precious students—depending on us (or anyone depending on us, for that matter) is to prioritize our wellness as adults so we can bring them the very best version of ourselves.
Again, sincere thanks to those of you who responded to my last post. I’d love you to email me and let me know how this lands with you.
Adam
1. Rosanbalm, K.D., & Murray, D.W. (2017). Caregiver Co-regulation Across Development: A Practice Brief. OPRE Brief #2017-80. Washington, DC: Office of Planning, Research, and Evaluation, Administration for Children and Families, US. Department of Health and Human Services.
2. More information about self-regulation and toxic stress can accessed online here: https://www.acf.hhs.gov/opre/project/self-regulation-and-toxic-stress-series
3. The Rand Study can be accessed online here: https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_reports/RRA1108-4.html