“Can you help me with my anger?”
Dear Applied EQ-ers,
“Can you help me with my anger?”
A nine year-old boy posed this beautiful question to Melissa, our Lead Content Creator of the EQ-uipped Classroom, last week as she mentored another student at his school.
This child recognized he had trouble with his anger, sought Melissa out, and asked her for help.
He’s nine.
He’s self aware enough to own and label his emotion as anger.
He’s brave enough to ask a trustworthy adult to help him.
Melissa was there to mentor another child who was struggling with her anger, but I love how this other student advocated for himself and sought out Melissa’s advice. And because Melissa is EQ-uipped, she knew how to respond:
“What do you normally do when you’re angry?”
“I punch a wall,” he said, nonchalantly.
“What other things could you do?”
He stopped, looked up at the ceiling, and he said, “I could walk away.”
“What else?”
“I could ask for help.”
“Okay, great ideas. Can you practice using these strategies to stay safe when you’re angry?”
This conversation is a perfect example of the power of being a living intervention. If Melissa wasn’t doing the emotional work in her own life, she wouldn’t be able to show up for this student on the spot like this.
This has been a hard lesson for me to learn. Previously, I just wanted to be told what the right words were to use to be a “good teacher” for students and “good mother” to my son.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t work.
Saying you have space for difficult emotions isn’t the same as actually having space for difficult emotions, and kids can sniff out the difference immediately.
We are teaching kids about emotions all of the time whether we’re aware of it or not. It’s not about learning the right thing to say about emotions. It’s about being someone who can handle tough emotions.
In addition to modeling emotional intelligence to the children in our care, we also need dedicated SEL conversations. We can’t wait until a student is super upset and dysregulated or when we as adults are upset or dysregulated to talk about emotions. We have to talk about emotions when everyone is calm, so then we have tools to use when emotions get out of control.
That’s why our team is passionate about EQ-uipping schools with both dedicated and infused SEL. That’s why we focus on both student and adult SEL.
So today we’re sharing a sample activity from our curriculum. Melissa was actually using this very exercise with a student before her unplanned stop in the cafeteria to help this other kid with his anger.
SEL is happening all the time, whether we’re EQ-uipped to handle it or not. We’re teaching SEL all the time, whether we’re conscious of it or not. Let’s be better EQ-uipped together. :)
Where does this land for you today?
Are you like me and trying to learn the right things to say with kids instead of being someone who can handle tough emotions?
Do you have resources to talk about emotions with students in a dedicated curriculum, so everyone is better EQ-uipped before tough moments arise?
The free, downloadable resource we’re sharing today is an exercise in goal setting that grows self-regulation. We use it as part of our third grade curriculum, but you could adapt it for any age:
Do you have a practice of SEL at your school? If you’re looking for dedicated and infused SEL, we would love to connect with you.
Better EQ-uipped Together, Melissa + Elizabeth
