What are your beliefs about stress?
Dear Applied EQ-ers,
What are your beliefs about stress?
Throughout my life and early teaching career, I carried around a lot of misconceptions about stress. Here are a few:
Stress is bad.
Stress will hurt my body.
My goal is to try to never be stressed.
If I work harder, make fewer mistakes, and “get it together,” I will be less stressed.
My stress shows how much I’m willing to sacrifice for my job and students.
Stressed people are the people who care.
People who aren’t stressed are lazy or don’t care.
It’s normal to feel constantly stressed.
I’m so productive because I’m stressed.
Being a stressed out person is just a part of my personality.
My stress makes me worse than everyone because it shows I can’t get it together while simultaneously making me better than everyone because it shows I care more. (This paradox of swinging from self hatred to self righteousness based on my beliefs about stress is my favorite. What a wild ride being human!)
Most of these beliefs I had about stress are completely wrong or at least incomplete.
I went to look up the word “stress” for better definitions, and Merriam Webster actually made me feel much better about my ignorance because all of their definitions for stress reinforced my misconceptions.
In addition to the outdated definitions and common misconceptions taught about stress, there is another issue with this word:
I don’t know about you, but a lot of times when I say, “I’m stressed,” I’m lying.
For example:
My husband: “Are you mad at me?”
Me: “No, I’m just stressed.”
If you’ve ever been in a relationship, you probably know from reading these two lines of dialogue that I’m lying.
Of course I’m mad. Of course!!! And yet, I lie. Why?
Because saying this is way more complicated:
“I’m feeling feelings that I don’t fully understand. I know I’m some version of mad, but I’m not sure why, and I don’t have the right words to communicate it to you yet. And this day would be a lot easier if I wasn’t mad. So I’m trying to pretend I’m not mad and hoping you won’t notice; although, a part of me also really wants you to notice because I’m hurting.”
So I sometimes lie and say, “I’m just stressed” because it’s a socially acceptable way to get through the day and communicating maturely about one’s feelings is hard.
Between Merriam Webster's terrible definitions and all the times I’ve lied about being stressed, it’s not surprising that there is a lot of misinformation on this topic.
So what is stress actually?
Here is how we train educators to be better EQ-uipped to understand stress:
So that’s it. “Stress is the energy you produce as you wonder whether you can deal effectively with a threatening situation.”
Stress is fuel. You can put it in your car and drive across the country, or you can pour it on top of your car and light it on fire. It’s just energy that builds up as you try to take on something that you haven’t tackled before.
A stress-free life isn’t a realistic or helpful goal. A life with no fuel gets you nowhere.
But how do you direct stress to get you where you want to go instead of bursting everything into flames?
We have a bunch of tools to help you engage and disengage with stress in a healthy way. We’re sharing one of each in the free downloadable you can do for yourself and/or with your students.
Where does this land for you today?
What are your beliefs about stress?
Do you share any of my same misconceptions?
Have you ever lied about being stressed to get through the day?
Do you know how to emotionally redirect your energy when you’re stressed?
Have you ever practiced the time test?
Would you like more resources on healthy ways to engage and disengage with stress? Let’s connect.
Applying EQ with you, Elizabeth Eason Martin
What is your story? We would love to know your story of Applying EQ in your life. Please comment below or share your story with Elizabeth at Elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com.
