Do I crave solitude or social interaction?
Dear EQuipped Leaders,
What’s the inner landscape like inside of you today? What all are you feeling? Put another way: how’s the weather within you today?
If emotions = weather, then personality = climate.
What is your climate like?
One of my FAVORITE aspects of personality to learn about is Extroversion/Introversion. Do you know where you fall on the Extrovert/Introvert spectrum?
When we partner to EQuip schools, one of the first things we do is have leaders and teachers in the district take the EASEL. This helps the adults on campus grow their own self-awareness, so they can model emotional maturity for students. Essentially, you can’t teach what you don’t know, and most educators (me included) weren’t taught to look inward as part of our training in order to understand how our own personalities impact our classrooms.
Extroversion/Introversion is a great place to start growing self-awareness because it’s one of the more straightforward aspects of personality.
Where do you get your energy?
Do you need time for solitude and quiet reflection to feel energized?
Do you refuel in loud, bustling spaces?
Likely, it’s some sort of mixture.
I remember learning about Extroversion/Introversion for the first time when I was teaching at a summer program fresh out of college. I was taking the Myers-Briggs personality assessment, and I invited (bullied) everyone around me to take it too. It was so enlightening to me. For example, my partner and I were only a year into our relationship at that time, and we learned that we were on the opposite sides of every personality spectrum including Extroversion/Introversion.
It was such a helpful framework to talk about our differences in a way that didn’t hurt either of our feelings. For example, I lean extrovert and he leans introvert. So when he would need some alone time to refuel, I would interpret that as a rejection. I didn’t need that same amount of time in solitude, so I didn’t understand that his needs were different. He didn’t know how to communicate this need with me until we had this framework to talk about.
That’s my favorite aspect of personality tests. They’re not perfect, and they’re not the end-all-be-all. But they can be incredibly powerful in giving people ways of talking about differences between themselves so they can improve their relationships. If we have common language for what’s happening within us, we can connect and communicate so much more effectively. It’s essentially like learning a new language in order to connect with those around you. If we don’t have any EQ language, we can’t tell others what all is happening within us which can be really isolating.
Teachers and leaders modeling this for kids can be especially powerful. At the beginning of the school year, I would share with my students how I see my extroversion sometimes impact my relationships. I told them about how I get so excited that I can steamroll in conversations, and asked them to tell me if I wasn’t giving them enough space to share their voice. I owned this part of myself. I’m extroverted, I love to talk, and I get really excited and talk over people. I used to think the goal was to change that, but now I know the more productive goal is just to be aware of it. There’s nothing wrong with me being extroverted. But I need to understand and accept this part of myself, so when someone gives me feedback, I can handle it. I need to make space for the reality that all aspects of my personality are not 100% delightful and that’s okay. As long as I’m making space for others to be themselves, I can keep on being myself.
I also need to be aware of my personality when “helping” other people. For example, I used to freak out if I saw a student sitting alone at the lunch table. Schools tend to favor extroverts, and I unconsciously internalized that if a student was sitting alone that meant they were socially isolated and in need of rescuing. And maybe that kid sitting alone is struggling to make friends and in need of more teacher support. Or maybe that kid is exhausted from the extroverted environment of school and just needs a quiet moment to herself/himself. Because I didn’t realize how uncomfortable I was being alone with myself, it didn’t occur to me that some kids might really enjoy their alone time. And before “helping” anyone, I better make sure that person actually needs and wants my help.
When I learned the phrase: “Helping is the sunny side of control.” My first thought was “Uh-oh.” I think I can fall into that trap pretty easily.
Where does this land for you today?
Are you more introverted or extroverted?
What about your closest relationships?
What about your students?
Think about a student you have conflict with. Where do you both fall on this spectrum?
Are you like me and sometimes guilty of trying to “help” students who are just different from you?
Do you want to take the EASEL with your school community? Please reach out to us via email at info@appliedEQgroup.com.
Better EQuipped Together,
Elizabeth
Elizabeth graduated with a B.A. and M.A. in English from the University of Central Arkansas. She taught English for a decade and got to read and write alongside kids in 7th, 8th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. The Applied EQ Group played an important role in her own personal EQ Intervention, and she is grateful to be able to spread the love and EQuip, empower, and encourage others. :)
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