Can I breathe my way to my unconscious?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Have you ever stopped yourself in a difficult conversation or situation and got really quiet and started breathing deeply?

It freaks people out.

It’s also incredibly effective at growing self awareness.

It’s sort of like having a magic wand that allows you pause a scene before it devolves.

I’m starting to experiment with this power, but it is definitely not my first instinct.

My first instinct is to fight. I’m accepting this. And learning to love the fight in me. It’s what’s allowed me to hold onto myself and set boundaries with people who did not treat me well.

My challenge is how to make space for my personality and instincts (fight included) while also acting from a place that honors my values.

This is not fun. It’s way more fun to just react poorly and blame other people for my bad behavior.

But I want to show up differently.

So now I’m leaning on mindful breathing. I know that sounds pretentious, but stick with me!

The breath is unique because you can do it both unconsciously and consciously.

You breathe whether you think about it or not.

You can also decide to think about it, pay attention to it, and affect it.

It’s also like the unconscious. My unconscious is always right here with me, impacting me and those around me whether I try to tap into it or not. I can ignore it and remain emotionally immature, or I can do the hard work of looking at myself and trying to grow more self aware.

One way I’m exploring my unconscious is trying on different breathing mantras from mindfulness teachers.

I’ve been trying these two breathing mantras from Thich Nhat Hanh:

One for when I’m freaking out:

In breath: “I am here.

Out breath: I am calm.”

One for when I wake up in the morning:

In breath: “Waking up this morning, I smile.

Out breath: 24 brand new hours are before me.

In breath: I vow to live them deeply.

Out breath: And learn to look at everything around me with the eyes of compassion.”

It’s been a fun practice, which feels exciting for me because I am often intimidated by mindfulness practices.

I remember sitting in a mindfulness class at the beginning of my teaching career and feeling so deeply uncomfortable. As the kind instructor calmly led the class, I suffered silently. I twisted awkwardly in my seat and secretly wished the fire alarms would go off, so I could give up, run out of the room, and start distracting myself with tasks and other people’s needs. I had no idea how to sit quietly with myself. No idea how to turn my attention inward.

But a little breathing mantra that I can casually try on throughout the day, that I can do. That feels manageable to me.

I’m also having fun creating my own mantras. I find this is especially effective when I take into account my personality.

For example, I am highly conscientious. This aspect of my personality makes me great at completing tasks. It also creates blindspots for me around my own and others’ humanity.

So when I notice this part of my personality hurting me or others, I’m trying to breathe into that part of me.

In breath: I am human.

Out breath: I can make mistakes.

Or

In breath: I am not a machine.

Out breath: I am a human being.

Making it a creative task helps carry me into a more life giving line of thought. Whereas I could catch myself being highly conscientious and berate myself for it, I’d much rather use that self awareness to kindly redirect my attention. Just like I would with my own children.

If I can learn to breathe into my unconscious mind, what can’t I do? It feels empowering to me.