Is this the right Why for ME?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Hi. 🙂

What is your favorite affectionate greeting to receive from someone who loves you?

A family member who looks in your eyes and gently pats your face between their hands.

A work colleague who reaches over and scrunches you on the shoulder when you arrive late to the faculty meeting.

A kid in your school who peeks into your classroom window each morning to make a different silly face to try to make you laugh.

A friend who folds you into a real hug.

I hope this message in your inbox today can evoke a little bit of that warmth. A little “Hi, I see you showing up here for you and those in your care. I’m glad you’re here. Your presence is a gift. I value it.”

Today I want to talk about finding the right WHY for YOU with the work you’re doing each day. You’re important. Your time and energy is valuable. I’m important. My time and energy is valuable. So let’s make sure we all feel good about where we’re putting it!

I’m 34, so it’s taken me a hot minute to figure out this important lesson:

How my life looks to other people affects me very little.

How my life feels to me affects me A LOT.

Instead of tapping into the WHY of my life from a place that feels life-giving to me, I’ve often gotten distracted building a life that looks good to other people and leaves me feeling empty. I thought there was an objective “Great Life” destination that everyone in society had agreed upon that I could strive for. Once I got there, I would be able to look out at everyone and have the approval I craved. Then I’d feel good inside, then I’d feel complete, whole, redeemed, cooked, done. But I kept racing towards that destination, and the goal post kept moving. I never got the feeling of peace I thought would come. I was trapped in the maze of my own unconscious. I could rationalize choices like career moves, but I honestly didn’t know why I was doing what I was doing. I was just reacting.

It made life hard, exhausting, relentless, unforgiving. Happiness and relief were always a little bit outside my reach. Maybe if I worked harder, I would get there tomorrow.

Now I have everything figured out, and I never feel lost. :)

No, but I am living a bit more consciously and intentionally. This comes with so many more moments of warmth in my life. Moments where I enjoy being where I am. Moments when I’m not racing to another goal post.

Something that has helped is reflecting on my calling.

“Our calling is often written in the peaks and valleys of our upbringing–where we have known the greatest harm and the most significant redemption. This doesn’t require a religious system. Instead, it is part of being human and having a unique story to share with others. When we understand the peaks and valleys of our upbringing and link them to how we invest our life force each day, we endow each day, each activity, each relationship, each point of contact with a deeper transcendent meaning.”

-Relationships that Work

I value who I am and what has happened to me more now. Who I am and what has happened to me hasn’t changed, but I’m paying more attention and holding myself and my story more gently and intentionally.

If I can tap into the peaks and valleys of my personal story, I can work from a Why that honors the whole of me. There are so many parts of my life that make getting to write to you each week an honor and a pleasure. To someone else, this job might be a homework writing assignment, torture to them.

To me, writing to you feels incredibly life giving because of the parts of my story it redeems. Because of who from my story it connects me to: people who wrapped their hand around my neck and shoved my face into the ground. People who gently took my chin in their hand and lifted my eyes to the sky. I get to redeem all of it when I take the time to look at myself and all I have been through and move forward in a way that honors it.

I’ve approached my life like a fight for so long. Pushing, struggling, forcing. I’m experimenting with approaching it more like a dance. What am I showing up with today, and how do I want to dance with everything that’s here?