Are you doing for OR being with people?
Dear Applied EQ-ers,
Are you doing for or being with people?
When we partner to EQ-uip schools, one of the first things we do is have leaders and teachers in the district take the EASEL. This helps the adults on campus grow in self-awareness, so they are better EQ-uipped to navigate the complex emotional landscape of schools.
The EASEL includes a personality assessment, and my favorite aspect of personality to talk about with educators is conscientiousness.
If you score high on conscientiousness, one of your blind spots might be “valuing the completion of tasks over the quality of relationships.” The test places you on a continuum from 1-5 on each of the five areas of personality, and for conscientiousness, I scored a whopping 4.9. So I definitely tend to value tasks over relationships.
We can learn about personality and understand it intellectually, but it is still incredibly difficult to see our own personality play out in our thoughts and behavior. It’s much easier (and way more fun) to identify other people’s personality quirks. Whenever our team describes personality at teacher trainings, I love the smiles and giggles in the room as educators look around at their colleagues and ask us “How do you know the people I work with?!”
And yet, we often cannot see our own personalities. Sometimes, we get lucky and catch ourselves in a blind spot moment that can be revealing. That’s what happened to me.
I was leaving my old school and cleaning out my classroom library. I reached out to one of my students to ask her to return some of my books.
When she came by, I greeted her at the door. I took the books, and we chatted at the threshold. We kept talking, and then I started to feel a little awkward.
In my (highly conscientious) mind, the task was complete: she’d returned the books. Check! We’re done here. I started to wonder, “Why is she still hanging around? I’m sure she has other things to do and doesn’t want to be here. Why is she still standing here with me and making small talk?”
Then it clicked for me: 4.9! This is my blind spot! This is how my personality is impacting my thoughts and behavior. I’m valuing the completion of this task over my relationship with this student.
Even though everything in me was saying, “Just move this social situation along and get back to your to-do list!” I instead walked away from the door and sat down. She quickly followed my lead, sitting down across from me, and we talked about her classes, sports, and favorite books for the next 30 minutes.
Catching myself in this moment has helped me move towards growth. I’m learning, but being instead of doing does not come naturally for me and probably never will. I recognize that my goal is not to change my high conscientiousness but to grow more aware of it. My 4.9 is a big part of who I am, a part of me that is both beautiful and annoying.
I’m learning to thank my 4.9 for how hard it works and all the stuff it gets done, and to tell it to pump the breaks. Because sometimes being is not only more than enough, it’s actually what the people around me need.
It might even be what I need too.
Where does this land for you today?
Are you (or someone you love) like me and sometimes prone to prioritize the completion of tasks over the quality of relationships?
Would you like to grow self-awareness for yourself or with your school community? Let’s connect.
Applying EQ with you,
Elizabeth Eason Martin
What is your blind spot personality story? Please comment below or share your story with Elizabeth at Elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com.
