Could you use some empathy?

Dear Applied EQ-ers,

Could you use some empathy today?

When we were training educators on teaching empathy this summer, Melissa Silva, our lead content creator of the EQ-uipped Classroom, shared one of her own teaching experiences as an example.

Melissa was a first-year teacher. She was teaching third grade, and it was the fourth week of school. Her goal for the day: teaching subtraction. She thought, “I’ve got this. Subtraction is easy.”

Have you ever taught subtraction to third graders?

She introduced the lesson and then got a little lost and flustered. She started stammering “uhhh..”, and the room got really quiet. All those third grade eyes, wide with anticipation, were watching her, and she was drawing a blank. Uh-oh. Her first-year teaching nightmares were coming true. That class was about to realize she was not a magical teaching superstar who knew everything and was calm, cool, and collected 24/7. Instead, they would know the truth: She was an imperfect human being who had seriously underestimated how hard it is to explain subtraction!

Then something magical happened.

Kevin, a shockingly emotionally mature third grader, offered her a lifeline and broke the uncomfortable silence in the room.

“Ms. Silva, are you nervous?”

“Actually, Kevin. Yeah, I am a little nervous. Thank you for asking.”

“It’s okay, Ms. Silva. We know you care about us. You can take your time.”

She took a deep breath, found her place, and got back to teaching subtraction, this time successfully.

Kevin wouldn’t have known the word for it, but he offered Melissa empathy that day. She can still remember how it felt to have a student make a little space for her to be nervous, and she shares Kevin’s impact on her every time we train educators.

When we teach empathy to students, we teach them “You cannot solve your friend’s problems. Your job is to offer them space and connection as they face their own issues.” Kevin was a perfect example of this. He wasn’t in any position to help Melissa. He was a kid...trying to learn subtraction! He couldn’t fix anything for her. And yet, he had the power to help her by taking away some of the tension and pressure she felt to be perfect.

So often we feel the need to do something when someone is vulnerable or emotional or struggling. To jump in and save them or do whatever it takes to get past the uncomfortable tension in the room. However, the vast majority of the time, there is nothing we can do to solve other people’s problems. We can only offer space and connection. But that is usually all that person needs--a little space to feel hard things and a gentle reminder that we still see goodness in them. “It’s okay, Ms. Silva. We know you care about us.”

What if when we saw kids struggling, we did exactly what Kevin did with Melissa? What if we did that with our colleagues, with our family members, with ourselves?

Where does this land for you today? Can you think of a moment when someone offered you space and connection when you really needed it?

Empathy is rooted in connection. We can all learn how to empathize with each other.

Would you like to grow empathy with educators and students at your school? We have K-12 resources to EQ-uip your classrooms. Let’s connect.

Better EQ-uipped Together,

Melissa + Elizabeth

What is your empathy story? We would love to know your story of Applying EQ in your life. Please comment below or share your story with Elizabeth at Elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com.