How well am I emotionally?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Today’s question makes me giggle. Have you ever gotten giggly in the “wrong” place such as a yoga class or funeral?

I have. :)

Nervous laughter is a good tell for me that I’m too uncomfortable to let myself feel something. At the yoga class, the laughter exposes my discomfort with my body. At the funeral, my discomfort with grief.

So today when writing about my own emotional wellness, I know my gigglyness points to my discomfort writing publicly about my own emotional wellness.

To give you a taste of what I’m talking about, here are the first four questions on the emotional wellness section of the assessment:

Yikes. Anyone else getting a lot of “F” responses for both “False” and maybe another choice word?

I don’t think I’ll ever get over the power of asking myself hard questions. I’m always surprised by what I find when I get still and quiet and start listening to the honest answers within me. I’m trying to learn to listen to myself. To do this more.

Checking in today, tells me that I still have a lot of emotional work to do. I have a whole bunch of unforgiveness towards myself and others that I’m still dragging around with me. There is still a lot I need to learn to accept and gently let go of.

I also recognize that this work is seasonal. :)

Just like my physical wellness looks very different for me right now because I’m pregnant, my emotional wellness is going to fluctuate throughout the seasons of my life. And that’s okay.

But it’s hard for me to accept that there is no destination. I will never make it to the top of Self-Awareness mountain and never have to worry about any of this stuff ever again. There is no arrival. There are seasons. And right now I’m in a season of a lot of emotional uncovering.

For me right now, stepping out of denial and into awareness, looks like answering these questions really honestly and not judging myself when the answer is False.

That is hard for me.

I’m the kid who obsessively got over a 4.0. The pain-in-the-ass who would go argue with the teacher over a percentage point increase. A perfectionist. Over-achiever.

When I take something called “an assessment” and there are 10 questions, I find myself converting my “score” into a “grade,” and I don’t do failing grades. I’m a straight-A student, a winner.

I don’t want to get a “D” in emotions. That’s not a great look.

I want my “A.” I want my arrival. I want my stamp of validation.

So much so that I could easily lie on this assessment. Lie to myself about how I really am. I’m good at that. I’ve done that my whole life.

So it actually feels good to “fail” an assessment today. It feels honest. I wish I had been allowed to fail a lot more at a much earlier age. I would have learned that it’s not so bad. The world doesn’t stop turning just because you get a “D.” Even when you get a “D” in something you write a blog about. :)

I now know how to be gentle with the places where I’m still failing and growing. I know how to ask for help. I know how to be honest about where it hurts. I trust that I will continue to heal and grow and let go of unforgiveness towards myself and others. I have faith in myself to continue moving forward.

I’m also genuinely proud of who and where I am right now. I’m proud I can stand by myself and my honest answers even when they aren’t the most flattering.

So how am I emotionally? Bit of a mixed bag for me.

How about you?

How well are you today? If you don’t have to get an “A” and you’re allowed to feel anything, how well are you emotionally?

Are you ready to ask yourself and listen to the honest answer? If so, soldier on, brave one! As you head off into the great unknown of your own emotional landscape the course below might be a helpful lifeboat. :)

If you’re not ready to explore your emotional wellness right now, that’s okay too. Take your time. Be gentle and soft with yourself. Those places hurt for a reason, and it’s okay if there are things in yourself and in your past that you’re not quite ready to face. Maybe this is your season to cheer someone else on in their emotional journey.

However you are emotionally today, thank you for being here with me.

Failing and Growing and Softening, Elizabeth elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com

Elizabeth graduated with a B.A. and M.A. in English from the University of Central Arkansas. She taught English for a decade and got to read and write alongside kids in 7th, 8th, 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. The Applied EQ Group played an important role in her own personal EQ Intervention, and she is grateful to be able to spread the love and EQuip, empower, and encourage others. :)

Want to take the wellness inventory for yourself? You can, right now, for free!

The course and wellness inventory are normally $75.99, but if you use the coupon code Summer22, the cost is waived. Enter the coupon code to the right when you create your account. Here’s mine as an example:

Access Course Here

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