Do I push through or rest?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

How are you feeling today? How is life looking from your view?

I missed our time together last week.

Normally, I go to one of my favorite cafes, order a delicious oats and honey latte, and spend a few quiet hours writing to you. It’s glorious. I look forward to it each week.

But last week did not go as planned. My whole family and I got taken down by the flu, and it was rough.

I know it’s the flu now, but at the time, I just thought we all had a bad cold. I tend to minimize sickness for myself and others. My husband got it before me, and I thought he was just being dramatic. I definitely had to apologize to him once I realized how sick he was. I’m learning that whenever that specific judgment: “Just being dramatic” crosses my mind, I’m trying to protect myself from something.

How do you react when you get sick?

How do you react when those closest to you get sick?

I can be a bit mean. Both to myself and those I care most about. I’m working on it. One major theme of my own personal EQ intervention has been learning to listen to and be kinder to my body.

When I talk about my body or listening to my body, I still reflexively roll my eyes. A protective part of me is still really struggling to get on board with this whole “listen to and take care of my body” idea. And I guess that makes a lot of sense. I’ve spent my entire life up until this point doing the opposite.

I’m really good at ignoring my body and pushing through in order to meet expectations. I did it as a student and then as a college student and then as a grad student and then as a teacher:

I can’t get sick. People need me. They’re depending on me. I have to push through. It’s not that bad.

This has made listening to my body now really difficult. For example, when I was in labor with my son, I remember the nurse coming by with that pain chart of scrunchy faces. She asked me where on the scale my pain was. I didn’t know how to answer. I looked at the chart and told her in a questioning tone, “Three, I guess?”

My husband intervened, “You are way more than three. You couldn’t even speak through that last contraction.”

“Okay, Five then?” I was guessing. Guessing at my own pain.

The nurse looked at me like, “Really, this is your body. Just tell me how serious the pain is.”

But I couldn’t. I had spent so much of my life convincing myself I’m fine no matter what my body was actually saying that I didn’t know how to listen to it during labor. How would I? That’s not a switch you can just flip on and off.

So last week when it was time to write to you, and I was unknowingly sick with the flu, I didn’t know what to do. I knew I was sick, but I genuinely did not know whether I should push through or rest. And I didn’t know how to make that decision.

Ultimately, I decided to use the same test I use when sending my son to school: if you don’t have a fever, you’re going. I took my temperature, and sure enough, I had a high fever. I was mad. I really didn’t think I had a fever and was frustrated that I’d made this deal with myself. I wanted to write. I didn’t want to rest. I wanted to be able to pretend I wasn’t sick. It wasn’t that bad, right? I could push through.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

Do you know how to listen to your body? Do you know when it’s time to rest and when it’s okay to push through for yourself?

Do you know how to teach this awareness to kids?

Do you see any schools or teachers or parents teaching this especially well?

If so, please let me know. These are not rhetorical questions. I’m really asking.

I really want to learn to listen to my body and make healthier decisions about what I can and cannot offer while I’m sick. I want to be able to model this for my children.

I hope you and yours are well this week. And if you’re not, I hope you have the awareness to know what you need and ask for it.

Better EQuipped Together, Elizabeth elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com