How do we teach self-awareness to students?
Dear EQuipped Leaders,
How are you? What are you thinking about today? What are you feeling?
:) :( :/ ?
We teach five components of emotional intelligence:
Self-awareness
Self-regulation
Empathy
Interpersonal Skills
Effective Decision Making
I believe I’m only beginning to develop enough self-awareness and self-regulation to peek over all my own stuff enough to start seeing and empathizing with other people. Previously, I was too unaware of myself. I was living in the unconscious, so I had no idea how I was projecting my own unmet needs onto other people. I couldn’t see myself.
To be fair, I still can’t see myself. Not fully. No one can. So how am supposed to grow self-awareness?
Self-disclosure/exposure: being honest with myself about what I’m really thinking and feeling even if I think those thoughts or feelings are “bad” and will cause me to be rejected if exposed.
Asking for feedback from others: being open to feedback, so I learn how other people experience me.
Full disclosure, both of these are unpleasant. They require a lot of vulnerability and sturdiness.
The first one is especially scary to me. Previously, I believed there were parts of myself I needed to hide from everyone, even those closest to me, in order to get love. Now, the more I’m honest with the people I trust about what I’m really thinking and feeling, the more love and acceptance I receive. The more I write about what I’m really thinking and feeling, the more I’m able to see and accept myself.
The second one is a little less scary to me but not by much. When I was a teacher, I asked for feedback from everyone around me, constantly. Not because I wanted to grow in self-awareness but because I needed constant affirmation. I was an A+ student all through K-12, college, and grad school, and I had major withdrawals from that constant approval when transitioning from student to teacher. So as a teacher when I asked for feedback from students, colleagues, or administrators, I wasn’t doing it in an emotionally healthy way. I just really needed my A+ and gold star.
I even remember the feeling of asking someone for feedback and then holding my breath while waiting for them to respond.
While I said, “Please, be honest.”
I’m sure my face said, “You better only tell me wonderful things about me, or I’m going to shame spiral and this is going to be a whole thing!!!”
Now, I can actually take critical feedback about myself, and it is a revelation. I had someone email me recently and tell me a hurtful comment I said. In the past, this would have undone me. My whole day would have been about this mistake. But this time, my heart started beating a little faster and my palms got sweaty. Then I took a deep breath and read her email again and realized she had just offered me a beautiful gift. Her email was kind and generous. She took the time to tell me something I did that hurt her, so I would know and could learn from it. She believed enough in me that I could handle it and that I was worth coaching. I wrote her back acknowledging the hurt I caused and thanked her for her feedback. She responded, and said “I felt safe sharing these thoughts with you.”
I want to be self-aware and self-regulated enough that I can be a safe place for my own honest thoughts and feelings and for the honest feedback of others. I think I’m getting better every day. I also know I have a long way to go.
So today I’m sharing a kinder lesson on self-awareness. I’m 33, but I’m still in EQ elementary school, so I find this helpful even for me. :)
If you’d like to support your students’ self-awareness, you can give it a spin. Here is the student lesson:
And here is the teacher guide:
What if we teach kids at a young age how to be honest about their thoughts and feelings, so they can tell us what they need?
How much healthier, safer, and more fun would our world be?
Do you want to better EQuip students, teachers, and parents at your school? We would love to connect with you.
Better EQuipped Together, Elizabeth Eason Martin
Email me at elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com with any questions about how we can support your personal and professional development. :)
