Have you ever thanked your emotion?
Dear Applied EQ-ers,
Have you ever thanked your emotion?
Emotions aren’t always super convenient. Whether you find yourself crying in a fast food drive thru or are overwhelmed by your own anger, emotion tends to happen unplanned and can feel like a burden, not a gift.
But what if we thought of our emotions as gifts? What if we thanked them for getting our attention? What if?
When Melissa began writing our K-12 curriculum for students, she needed a way to teach younger students how to recognize their emotion and embrace their feelings instead of suppressing them. She came up with the STAR model:
Even though this model is framed for elementary students, I keep finding it truly transformative for my own life. I’m 33, but I think in terms of emotional maturity, I’m still at an elementary level.
I’ve spent decades trying not to feel my actual feelings and instead trying to feel what I thought I should feel.
That didn’t work.
Now I’m trying to let myself feel my actual feelings without judgement, and it’s hard. I find the reframe of thanking an emotion helpful because it’s such a drastic shift from how I normally approach my emotions.
So now when I feel something hard or inconvenient like sadness or anger, I’m thanking it instead of trying to talk myself out of feeling it or trying to control it.
Thank you, sadness, for letting me know I really cared about someone.
Thank you, anger, for signaling that something is unfair.
Thank you, fear, for reminding me that I’m alive.
I don’t get frustrated with myself when I’m thirsty. I just drink more water. So why would I get frustrated for feeling an emotion? What if I saw my feelings like any other signal in my body? Just information that lets me know of an unmet need: “Hey you, something in here needs tending to.” Having needs isn’t needy. Having needs is human.
In teaching SEL, we talk about growing self-awareness and self-regulation, and we spend a lot of time talking about how to regulate emotion. However, I love the idea of pausing before moving on to regulation and thanking an emotion for existing. Even though it may be unplanned, it could also take us someplace we didn’t realize we wanted to go. Our emotion can teach us about ourselves in ways our logic and our shoulds can’t.
You know that adage: “Don’t treat a gift like a burden.” I wonder if that’s what I’ve been doing with my emotion my whole life. Dragging it around like burdensome baggage, instead of lovingly taking its hand and letting it teach me something new.
Where does this land for you today?
Do you see your emotion as more of a gift or a burden? How did adults in your life treat it?
How old are you in emotion years? If you’re still in emotional elementary school, I’m right there with you! :)
What if students saw adults thank our emotions? How would that affect their EQ?
Do you want to teach your students to see, thank, and regulate their emotions? Do you want to learn this for yourself? We would love to connect with you.
Today we’re sharing a lesson on STAR from our elementary curriculum. It includes a printable for students and a printable for teachers to facilitate this conversation in both English and Spanish.
Applying EQ with you, Elizabeth Eason Martin
(P.S. This 13th century poet knew how to thank his emotions. Who’s showing up at your door today?)
“The Guest House”
This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still treat each guest honorably. He may be clearing you out for some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whoever comes, because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.
-Jalaluddin Rumi