How self-aware are you?
Dear Applied EQ-ers,
How self-aware are you?
The first step in growing emotional intelligence is becoming more self-aware.
I have to repeat this to myself like a mantra.
It would be so much easier if instead of becoming more self-aware, I could just tell everyone else what they need to do to fix their personalities. It’s so obvious what everyone else is doing wrong.
Unfortunately, that’s not how it works. You can’t fix other people’s personalities.
Turns out, there are no “good” and “bad” personalities.
Are you thinking, “I don’t know. So-and-so has a pretty objectively terrible personality?” :)
Who pops into your head when you think “bad personality”?
That person has the potential to teach you more about yourself. That person brings things to the surface about yourself that you might not want to see. The person with the “bad personality” in your life right now could be your key to more self-awareness.
Isn’t that kind of bummer? Wouldn’t it just be easier to hate them and talk trash about them? Absolutely!
Will it lead to deeper emotional intelligence? Probably not.
Emotional intelligence is hard.
In addition to not being able to fix other peoples’ personalities, it turns out that you can’t fix your own personality either. I actually find this continually infuriating.
It’s not “self-judgement” it’s “self-awareness.” I know how to judge myself. I’ve been doing that for decades. But just being aware. That takes a kind of calm and attention that I’m only just beginning to cultivate.
One way that I’m trying to move past self-judging and towards self-awareness is through personality tests. And I actually recently took a vulnerable step in this direction.
In addition to taking our EASEL test myself, I also agreed to join our Applied EQ team in letting three of my colleagues take an EASEL 360 of me, so I could see how my self-assessment compared to my colleagues' assessment of me.
Pretty brave, right?
I thought so.
What did I learn about myself?
My colleagues see me as a teeny bit less flexible than I see my myself:
When I saw this one, I cracked up laughing. It made a lot of sense when I thought about it, and I was proud of my reaction. I didn’t feel the wash of shame and rejection like I would have felt at a younger age. I also didn’t blow it off. I just thought, “Huh, that’s kind of funny. Now I can start looking for how that plays out with my colleagues.”
What else did I learn?
If I can stay curious about myself and my colleagues’ experience of me, I can learn a lot. If I can stay calm enough to remain open even when I’m faced with not-so-delightful aspects of my personality, I can start to see myself a little bit more clearly.
This growing awareness feels exciting and hopeful to me.
Where does this land for you today?
What has your self-awareness journey been like?
What if the “bad personality” person in your life became your new self-awareness teacher?
If you’re wanting to grow in self-awareness, taking the EASEL just for yourself would be an excellent first step. If you want to take it up a notch, you can also take the EASEL 360 and get your colleagues’ perspective as well.
We would love to connect with you and get you resources to grow self-awareness for yourself and your school community.
Wherever you are in your self-awareness journey, I hope this letter finds you well today.
Applying EQ with you, Elizabeth Eason Martin
