Am I being my own hero?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Hi! I’ve got a delicious honey-lavender latte by my side and lots of feelings in my heart, so I’m extra smiley to be here with you today.

One of my favorite things about working with The Applied EQ Group is getting to think, read, and write about stuff that I’m trying to apply in my own life. Emotional Intelligence is so easy for me to talk about and so difficult for me to actually apply. I’m grateful for all the space to practice and keep reminding myself about the type of person I want to be.

I want to be my own hero.

I’m working with a really cool group of educators on our team to translate some of our written curriculum into short videos for young kids. In one of the elementary student videos, we teach kids about the 5 skills of SEL with this framework:

Just like math has addition and multiplication, SEL has a lot of parts.

Self-awareness and self-regulation are about knowing yourself and managing your emotions.
Interpersonal skills and empathy are about getting along with others.
Effective decision-making is using all these skills to help you be your own hero.

I’ve written and taught about these five skills multiple times, but something about seeing a colleague's words who was trying to translate them for third graders made it click for me on another level. Maybe my third grade self got it in a different way and backfilled some of my gaps from childhood. This line:

…be your own hero.

It just keeps ringing in my ears.

Because I haven’t always been my own hero. If I’m honest, I’ve often been my own villain, sabotaging myself unconsciously.

I did not realize how far outside of my values I’ve lived most of my life. I didn’t even know what my values were! I had not made “the unconscious conscious” yet. Instead, I reactively and unconsciously morphed into whatever I thought the person across from me wanted me to be. I was not aware of myself, and I did not have the ability to self-regulate when my values differed from those around me. I was just trying to keep myself safe by being what I thought would make others happy. I was NOT EQuipped.

And I don’t blame those unconscious younger versions of myself. I know they were doing their very best and that they were in a lot of pain. I wonder if a teacher had asked me if I was being my own hero when I was in third grade if it would have changed things for me. I wonder what happens when little kids get empowered by the trustworthy adults in their lives.

My EQ Intervention didn’t happen for me until I was 32. I’m grateful. I now have the SEL skills to take care of myself, so I can choose who I want to be. And I am. I am being my own hero now. :)

And while I’m grateful that I didn’t spend my whole life living unconsciously, I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if I had been empowered earlier. When I think of my third grade self with her cute knobby knees and bright eyes, I wonder what she already knew that I’m trying to rediscover now. I wonder what wisdom and beauty lives within the third graders at your school. I wonder what the world would look like if we gave them the tools to be their own heroes, to hold onto themselves as they grow up.