Can I make kind choices like a second grader?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Hi! Where are you today? I hope you’re feeling well, warm, and snuggly this fall morning.

I also hope you’re savoring the highs and being gentle with yourself through the lows.

I’m trying to remember to trust my struggle. I’m not struggling because I’m failing or wrong. I’m struggling because I’m growing and awkwardly finding a new way forward. But if I can trust myself through the struggle, all I have to deal with is the discomfort, not also my own self-rejection. If I can wrap my arm around myself and my struggle more gently instead of fighting against them, I think I can grow.

It’ll also be more fun.

Because there’s always going to be something hard going on.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy all the other parts of my life that are light and joyful. Integration is tricky! But if I can be a little gentler, I can make space for all of it.

So today I’m doing just that. I’m going to learn how to make effective choices like a second grader.

What were you like in second grade? Were you so cute? I bet you were! Do you remember your teacher that year? Your friends?

I picture myself with two french braids and two best friends who I squabbled with constantly. We drove our teacher Mrs. McElroy bananas. I wonder if she would have enjoyed a resource to help us make kinder choices.

I love the title of today’s lesson: “Effective Decision-Making: All My Choices Have Consequences.”

Ain’t that the truth? Yes, they do!

It sounds so simple, but I don’t think second grade me understood that my choices had consequences. I think she was just trying really hard to not make any mistakes in order to be a “good” kid. I didn’t have a neutral view that allowed me to step back a little bit and see my choices more objectively. Which, to be fair, is also part of having a more developed prefrontal cortex. But also, no one ever framed choices in this empowering, not punishing way. I was taught “good people make good choices and bad people make bad choices.” Not: “Some choices we can celebrate and some choices we have to apologize for.” Very different framing. A lot less shame then what I was taught, and a lot more room for growth and mistakes.

Here is the student workbook page:

The teacher guide takes students through different activities that happen throughout the day and provides some examples to spark discussion: “morning circle, sitting on the carpet, transitions from carpet to my desk, lining up, working in a group, reading independently, math, going to music, walking to the cafeteria, playing at recess.” It does the same for the afternoon and then asks students to pick one of the activities and discuss a choice they could celebrate during that time and a choice that they would need to apologize for during that time. And to practice that for both the morning and the afternoon:

The teacher guide also leaves space for the teacher’s own expertise on what her/his students are currently struggling with and to weave that into the activity:

“If your class as a whole needs to think about a specific time of day that is hard for them, choose that activity for them. Have students write a choice they can make during that activity that they can celebrate and one they would have to apologize for.”

I think this is such a beautiful integration. Because for sure there’s going to be one part of the day that the teacher knows has more issues and there are also probably parts of the day that are going well and need to be celebrated. This exercise builds space for a teacher to grow students’ awareness that they have agency in the choices they make. And unlike my experience where I thought I had to be perfect to be good, there is room here for when students are struggling to make effective choices. The teacher guide gives enough direction to support the teacher but also enough space for the teacher to integrate their knowledge of their specific students’ needs.

Where does this land for you?

What is a choice you made recently that you can celebrate?
What is a choice you made recently that you needed to (or still need to) apologize for?

And I’ll leave you with the same closing for our second graders: “What is one small thing you can do today to make a good choice?”

I’m trying to be less reactive and more conscious in my choices, so my one small thing is practicing taking a breath before responding today. I’m curious to see what happens.

Stay Soft, Elizabeth