Can I learn from my emotions like a third grader?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Hi. How are you feeling today? What are you feeling today?

One emotion. Multiple emotions. A jumble of mixed up emotions.

All of your feelings are okay. All of my feelings are okay. Thank you for landing here with me today.

One of my biggest shifts in perception happened when I stopped viewing my emotions as character flaws. And instead, just accepted them as part of being human. This has been a process because the “my emotions = BAD” paradigm is pretty deeply ingrained in me.

I grew up getting the message that anger was bad and scary because I saw people do bad and scary things when they were angry. My takeaway: I just won’t ever be angry, so I don’t ever hurt the people I love.

I saw people back away from me when I told them something hurt my feelings or I cried. My takeaway: People don’t like me when I cry or tell them something hurts. I need to just suck it up and not say anything in order to not be rejected.

I was mocked for being flighty when my emotions changed from one moment to the next. My takeaway: Feeling too many things is weird. There must be something wrong with me. I will try to feel fewer things.

So as I parent my children and teach them that they are okay and normal and wonderful and all of their feelings are okay. I’m learning that for myself for the first time too.

What messages did you get when you exhibited these emotions as a kid? Which emotions of yours made you more or less popular to those around you?

This lesson for third graders helps reframe the paradigm of “expressing emotions = being an unlovable person” and instead teaches kids how to learn from their feelings and get what they need in an appropriate way.

Here is the student workbook page:

Here is the teacher guide:

Turns out, if you have the tools and support to handle your emotions, you can learn from them instead of suppressing them until they explode out of control later. Yay!

I’ve wasted so much energy fighting my emotions, dismissing them, judging them, shaming them. Instead of just being like, “Oh, hi, you’re here now. What would you like me to know? What is it I need?” I’m amazed at how much less forced and exhausting my life feels now that I can tap into this superpower. It’s really hard to organize your day when you don’t know what you need or want. But when emotions are allowed, they point you towards what’s next. It’s really wonderful actually!

What are your emotions trying to tell you right now?

Your happiness:

Your sadness:

Your confusion:

Your anger:

If you welcome them all in, what could each teach you?

Today, I feel relieved that whatever I feel is actually okay. That I can trust myself to not only handle all of my feelings, but I can even be grateful for them.

I am responsible for my behavior and expressing my emotions appropriately. But I am free to feel every single feeling all the time. Feelings aren’t my enemy. They’re my way home to myself. They’re the bridge to authentic connections with others. They’re the key to building a life I’m proud of.

Let’s teach kids to learn from their feelings instead of shaming them for behaviors that simply indicate a lack of emotional regulation skills.

Stay soft and human,

Elizabeth

(P.S. Want this curriculum for your school, your kids, yourself? Email info@appliedEQgroup.com.)