What makes me feel alive?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

Hi! Happy [or whatever feeling] 2023!

Today I want to talk about you and your unique life force. Let’s get into it!

The one ingredient I most underestimated while teaching was my own presence.

I had no idea the power of showing up fully in the present moment as myself with my students. When I finally started being instead of only doing, my classroom started to transform. Instead of pushing so hard, I eased off, released the tension and started working with myself and my students. It was so much more life-giving, creative, full-filling. My school life went from being an endless chore to a joy.

If you are highly conscientious, you might be able to relate. I used to value the results I produced for people over who I was being. I thought what I did for others was all anyone wanted. I didn’t realize how much power was in me, just being me, not producing, just being.

I still struggle with this blindspot. I see it in my parenting. My son invites me to play with him constantly all day, every day. While it’s easy and comfortable for me to facilitate his bedtime routine or organize his school bag, playing is still unnatural for me to jump into. Slowing down and saying yes and sitting down and being present is still hard for me. Once I do, I’m always glad I did. I get into the play world and it breathes life back into my day. I get out of robot chore mode and come back to the present moment, come back to life.

What brings you to life?

Who makes you feel alive?

Who in your life is inviting you to come more alive?

In order to survive my early life, I tried to make myself into a machine. I got praised for the results I produced, so I decided that was what was valuable about me. That’s what people wanted from me. I’m unlearning a lot of this now. I’m trying to show up differently.

It’s working. I’m feeling more alive all the time, a little more each day. I see this in so many little ways. How I stop to taste the food I’m eating. How I want to get out of bed in the morning. How I break out into dance or song throughout the day. How I take time to play uno with my family. How I make time to go ice skating. How I joke and smile and laugh a little more easily. How everything feels a little more fun and playful and exciting.

I’m not trying to be a machine anymore. I’m paying attention to what makes me feel alive, and I’m intentionally building more of that into my life. Walking dates with friends, concerts, yoga, writing, fun. I’m actually having fun for the first time in a long time.

So today, I want to reach out to my fellow highly conscientious people. Because the “new year, new you” culture always fed into the darker parts of my high conscientiousness. The parts of me that judge myself and others too harshly. The parts of me that believe if I control and deprive myself enough, I will arrive at a more desirable product, a new me that I can finally accept.

Instead of trying to be a machine and forcing and pushing and judging myself into being some shiny new version of myself, I’m seeing myself more like the moon, cycling through different seasons, and finding pleasure in whichever cycle I am.

I’m still setting goals and taking good care of myself. I’m not (like I thought I would be) lazy or too wild. I’m just alive. And when I view myself as a human who is accomplishing something as opposed to a robot accomplishing machine, I am much happier and, shockingly, more successful.

So if you’ve ever tried to make yourself into a machine instead of the gorgeous human being you are, you’re not alone. But we’re more than what we accomplish. We’re human beings.

How do you want to be with yourself today? How do you want to hold all of who you are?

What is giving you life, making the life force within you shine? How can you make more space for this?

What is sucking the life out of you, dimming your light? How can you set boundaries to protect yourself and your unique life force?

I hope you’re having a lovely start to the new year. I hope you’re letting yourself shine bright.

Better EQuipped Together, Elizabeth Eason Martin