What are my thoughts ABOUT my emotions?

Dear EQuipped Leaders,

What are you feeling today? Lean on our Emotions Chart if it helps.

And what are your thoughts about those feelings like? Are your thoughts [curious, accepting, judgmental, _________ ] of your feelings?

Whatever you are feeling today is okay. All feelings are okay, neither good nor bad.

I’m telling you that because I need reminding: All of my feelings are okay.

As I become more aware of my thought patterns, I’m beginning to notice how my thoughts react to certain feelings. For example, on holidays like today, I’m noticing that I often feel I should feel certain things and should definitely not feel other things.

But that’s not how feelings works. :)

I’m realizing that my feelings aren’t the problem. It’s my judgmental thoughts about my feelings that cause issues.

I’m learning all of my feelings really are gifts. If I can acknowledge my true feelings without judgment (which is really stinkin’ hard for me), they will tell me what I need. Then I can communicate my needs (ideally, kindly and effectively) to the people who love me.

For example, when I feel sad, I can look at my list of needs and realize, “Oh, I’m feeling sad. What is my sadness showing me I need? I need connection. Who could I reach out to today and ask for connection with? Who can I trust that has room for emotions like sadness?”

Maybe I need to text my friend in Nashville or set up a walking date with my friend here in town. Maybe I need to tell my husband what I’m feeling and ask for a hug. Maybe I need to journal for five minutes and get what’s swirling around inside of me out, so I can see it on the page and connect with myself. Maybe I just need to go for a walk and let myself feel the feeling.

If I can acknowledge the feeling, name the feeling, and then figure out what need it’s trying to show me, then I can start getting creative and decide how I want to meet my need. Then I have a place to put that energy. I know what to do next.

If I judge my sadness, and say, “No, not today! Today is for feeling happy, happy, happy only!” That’s when I get into trouble. Because then that very normal, human feeling that is signaling a need within me has to get even louder to try to break through my denial and suppression of it. It goes from a gentle nudge to an alarm bell and becomes much harder to manage.

So whatever feelings come up for me today, I’m going to first try to thank them to interrupt my normal thought pattern. We teach this in our curriculum starting with kids in elementary school by teaching STAR:

See emotion: I’m feeling sad. That’s okay. It’s okay to feel sadness even on a holiday.

Thank emotion: Thank you, Sadness, for letting me know I care about ______.

Regulate emotion: What is my sadness signaling that I need? Can I name that need? How do I want to get that unmet need met? What can I do for myself? What can I ask my loved ones for?

I don’t regulate my thirst by judging myself for feeling thirsty. I regulate my thirst by believing my body when it signals that it’s thirsty. And then drinking enough water.

Emotions aren’t keeping me from living the life I want, they’re the path to building a life that fulfills me. They’re the signals to what I need and want for my life.

Where does this land for you today?

Do you feel any shoulds around your emotions on holidays?
What did you learn about emotions from your mother/guardian growing up?
Have you ever tried thanking emotion before moving onto trying to regulate it? Do you view your emotions as useful information?

Are you interested in EQuipping your school’s leaders, classrooms, and parents?

Schedule a free call with Jenny, our Director of School Partnerships, to discuss your school’s needs and if we’re a good fit for your campus.

Let’s Get Acquainted!

I hope you have a [happy, sad, frustrating, disappointing, guilty, joyful, boring, etc.] Mother’s Day today. I hope you feel all your feelings, and that they help you notice what you need and inspire you to get your very worthwhile needs met. I hope your feelings lead you to the life you want.

Better EQuipped Together, Elizabeth Eason Martin

Email me at elizabeth@appliedeqgroup.com with any feedback or questions. :)