I’ve spent so much time pretending money doesn’t matter. Like my needs and wants don’t matter. Like what I contribute to the world doesn’t matter. I would like to change that. I would like to move forward differently.

Transitions are healthy, hard, and messy. I’m trying to remember as a parent that my job is to support my new kindergartener through his struggles, not to try to prevent him from having them. It’s hard to watch a kid you love so much go through a new transition and inevitably struggle a bit to adjust. It’s also healthy. And it brings up A LOT of feelings. So for me that means it’s time to take a big full belly breath and reach for an emotional regulation tool. Because emotions are happening! They’re happening BIG TIME. So I need to be EQuipped. Let’s talk about it

So often teachers focus on how they can control their external environment to mitigate stress instead of focusing on how they can fill their own cups to meet the unpredictable challenges in their classrooms. I’m so guilty of this. Now I’m trying to let go of what I can’t control and stepping up as an internal leader over what I can: my own care.

How comfortable are you at setting boundaries with your work colleagues?

Like me, do you sometimes say “yes” when you really mean “no”? How have those pseudo “yes’s” impacted your relationships?

How aware of your outer world are you? How aware of your inner world are you?

Where is your emotional bucket level right now?

Calming the storms (my internal stress) within me, has allowed me to learn about my emotions (my internal weather) and my own personality (my internal climate). Learning to cope with my stress was foundational for me because until I could tolerate my stress without being overwhelmed by it, I couldn't really tend to any of the other parts of EQ. It’s hard to learn anything new in the middle of a massive storm. And honestly, I didn’t realize how stormy my insides were. I thought being high strung was just part of my personality. I didn’t know I was capable of being calm. I didn’t know that at my healthiest, I have calm energy that I and those closest to me enjoy.

Ready or not, here August comes!!!

What leadership roles are you taking on this August? What is your Why? How do you want to show up?

One thing that makes this journey less lonely and more meaningful for me, is reflecting on my struggles through the lens of Joseph Campbell’s Hero’s Journey.

What boundaries have you set to protect your time, your heart, your body?

Do you know you are worth protecting?

What is stressing you out today? Could setting a boundary help?

What could you use a little bit more of today?

What kind of space have you built within yourself as an internal resource?

How do you protect yourself from burnout by setting boundaries between your emotions and the emotions of those around you at your school?

Today, I want to focus on the first one: ignoring emotion.

I don’t think there are any words that could sum up the power of ignoring or being ignored better than this short video clip of the “still face experiment.”

“...healthy interpersonal interaction may not feel natural or intuitive. In fact, what we may assume is quite normal actually may be unhealthy.”

-Relationships that Work

I wasn’t approaching other people for connection, I was going to them for validation. I was trying to get from them what I was denying myself. 

More and more, my son is asking me to give him concrete examples from my own life about how I handle feelings, and it makes me so uncomfortable.

I can tell him all day long that it’s okay for him to feel [anger, sadness, frustration, fear…], but if I shut down when he asks to hear about a time I feel those things, what am I really teaching him?

This has been one of the hardest parenting lessons for me to learn. I think as long as I say and do the right things with my son, that’s what matters. But more and more, I realize, how I treat myself is really what he’s paying attention to.

What is your relationship with conflict like?

Growing up, did you see adults get upset with each other and then come back together after cooling down to apologize, forgive, and negotiate solutions?

Or did it go down a little differently?

What was modeled for you in terms of conflict?

How did conflict make you feel as a kid? How does it make you feel now as an adult?

For me, as a teacher, parent, and just a human being, I’ve spent (wasted) so much energy trying to prevent conflict from happening.

I spend a lot of time thinking about how to EQuip students, teachers, myself to regulate more “negative” emotions: anger, fear, sadness.

I often forget about how hard it can be to let myself feel some of the more “positive” emotions: joy, pleasure, contentment.

I’ve started reading a children’s book of affirmations at night for my son. And like a lot of my EQ journey, I realize as I try to do things for my kids that I first need to do them for myself.

And if I’m being totally honest, affirmations still make me pretty uncomfortable. The idea of saying kind things about myself to myself feels off limits. Like doing so would be narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, selfish.

Hello there and happy Teacher Appreciation week!

How are you feeling? What does this upcoming week look like for you? How would you like to be appreciated?

When I think back on my decade of teaching and all the different ways students and parents tried to show me love during teacher appreciation week, one memory jumps out as my favorite.

How are you today? Cruising into the end of the school year with energy? Hanging on for dear life? Something totally different?

Whatever you’re feeling, your thoughts and feelings matter. I feel a little silly actually stating that directly, but I stand by it. I’ve only recently started believing (and behaving as though) my thoughts and feelings matter. And I definitely didn’t expect other people to respect my thoughts or feelings until now. So in case no one has ever given you permission to take your thoughts and feelings seriously, please consider this lovely letter your official permission slip.

My doubt of my own thoughts and feelings is actually what’s made up the foundation of my default communication style.

Do you know what your communication style is? Did you know there are different communication styles?!?

Are you more introverted or extroverted?

What about your closest relationships?

What about your students?

Think about a student you have conflict with. Where do you both fall on this spectrum?

Are you like me and sometimes guilty of trying to “help” students who are just different from you?